Everybody cries. But not all tears are the same. Our bodies produce different types of tears: functional tears which lubricate the eyes and the emotional kind – the type of crying that emanates from deep inside and acts as an outward expression of our emotions.
Today’s article is about emotional crying, a uniquely human activity, and why we sometimes just ‘need a good cry’. Read on for how to use your tears for self-healing in a safe and healthy way.
Is crying good for us?
Crying has been a topic of intrigue since time immemorial, holding almost as much mystery as the depths of space.
The burning question is: why? Why do only humans cry emotional tears?
And is crying truly cathartic, purging us of emotions that are too painful to process until they’re released through our tears?
While some schools of thought believe that crying is good for us, others feel there’s no benefit to shedding a few tears and some studies have even shown how it can make some people feel worse.
(If you’re one of those people who feel worse after crying, it might be an idea to visit your GP to find out if there are underlying health issues.)
If, however, you’re one of those who enjoy a good cry, here are some of the ways in which crying might benefit your wellbeing:
Self-healing
The chemicals released while we cry might be part of a self-healing process.
Our tears are also believed to reduce stress hormones such as cortisol in the body.
So, when we cry, we just might be tapping into the body’s natural way of healing from emotional pain.
What do you think?
Increase your likeability
A show of vulnerability is one of the fundamentals of connecting with others.
When you show genuine emotion it’s easier for other people to empathise, and bond, with you; in other words, it can help you to forge closer attachments.
Due to the activity happening in the brain when we empathise with others, scientists suspect that the bonding which occurs between people is part of our evolutionary past: part of the brain becomes activated when we witness someone else who’s emotionally aroused.
If you’re a man, the good news is that a study showed how men who cried – at what was deemed an appropriate time – were
rated more likeable, rather than being seen as more feminine.
The importance of self-expression
In cultures where individualism is highly regarded, more so in Western countries, ‘being heard’ is valued as one of the keys to happiness and a good sense of self-esteem. In fact, psychologists consider self-expression as a requirement of self-actualisation.
It is thought that authentic self-expression, of which crying is a part, helps us to process and understand our inner-most thoughts and feelings. This allows us the opportunity to discover, and work towards being, our best self.
Science says that when we’re in alignment with our authentic selves, the
prefrontal cortex of the brain is activated. This is a highly developed area of the brain associated with higher-order capabilities such as innovative and creative thinking, plus problem-solving and focused attention.
Crying as opposed to repressing our emotions
Is it harmful to bottle things up?
A long-held perception about crying is that it is a release. Research is divided on the subject of whether crying really does make us feel better by releasing toxins in the body.
What has been documented, however, is that not crying may open the door to more negative, aggressive emotions, such as anger, rage or disgust.
In a study by clinical psychologist and professor at Germany’s University of Kassel, Cord Benecke, in which 120 people were interviewed, it was found that people who
didn’t cry tended to withdraw; they also described their relationships as more distant than those who do cry.
We need to cry
We are born to cry.
Studies have shown that they originate in the limbic system – one of the oldest part of the brain and also known as the primitive system, which is involved in regulating our emotions – signalling to the
gland in your eye (lacrimal gland) to produce tears.
The limbic system, in turn, is linked to the autonomic nervous system, which is responsible for our automatic processes such as breathing and digesting food. What does this mean?
It means that crying is baked into our human experience. In other words, emotional tears are a normal part of what it means to be human.
It is easy to conclude, then, that crying – as part of these automatic processes – is a necessary part of the human experience; to stop ourselves from crying is to go against our very nature.
Is there a healthy way to cry?
Crying can be used to regulate our emotions. For instance, there’s nothing better than to watch a movie with a box of tissues at the ready so you can have a good old weep. The effect can feel like a sweeping out of old, stagnant emotions and feeling refreshed afterwards.
It is important to note, however, that crying may not always make you feel better. Some people involved in studies revealed that they
felt worse, not better, after crying. It was most commonly the case in those who suffered mood disorders such as depression or anxiety.
If find yourself crying all the time or apparently for no reason, or if you find it difficult to cry when it would usually be deemed in keeping to do so, such as a bereavement, please speak to your GP to find further support.
Healthy versus unhealthy tears
There’s a knack to crying in a healthy way, as opposed to the kind of tears that lead to a decline in your mental wellness and unhelpful feelings of self-pity (whether justified or not); it is usually better to explore this kind of crying within an environment such as talking therapy.
Find a safe space
Crying as a healthy release of emotions should be done in a safe space – whether that’s with good friends with a sense of empathy, on the sofa with a beloved pet or even under a blanket to increase your sense of safety.
Find or create a space where you feel at ease letting your emotions go. This is important, because when done in a healthy way, crying can help us to understand ourselves better, and connect us with those deeper emotions we often leave ignored and unresolved.
Make time to cry
Make sure you also have time to explore your emotions. Crying at work, for example, is not recommended in most circumstances. In fact, crying is often seen as a sign of weakness or there is shame attached to the activity, especially in men.
Carving out time to explore your emotions is nothing of the sort; in fact, it can be used as a mechanism for growth. Rather than something to be ashamed of, making time to cry may be a step towards self-realisation.
Be kind to yourself
Be sure to nurture yourself with activities such as having your favourite meal, making time for a bubble bath or simply playing your favourite songs. The importance of this is that you’re giving yourself permission to cry – something that we may not have had as infants or children. Doing something nice –being kind to ourselves – helps us avoid any feelings of guilt or shame associated with crying, which are merely instruments of a stoic society rather than an indication that to cry is a bad thing.
More importantly, being kind to yourself makes you feel good!
Nurturing yourself in this way increases the potency of emotional crying as a self-soothing mechanism, activates feel-good chemicals in the body and reinforces to your subconscious mind that you have done nothing wrong, thereby eliminating any negative barriers you may have to crying as a therapeutic tool.
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